# GOD & LAWN CARE



## Jerry McColgan (Feb 8, 2008)

I just received this in an email and it is just too good not to post here (thanks Fred).









GOD & LAWN CARE 
*God said*: "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles." 

*St. FRANCIS:*
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. 

*GOD:*
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? 

*ST. FRANCIS:*
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. 

*GOD:*
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. 

*ST. FRANCIS:*
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week. 

*GOD:*
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?


*ST. FRANCIS:*
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. 

*GOD:*
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? 

*ST. FRANCIS:*
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. 

*GOD:*
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?


*ST. FRANCIS:*
Yes, Sir.




*GOD:*
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.


*ST. FRANCIS:*
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

*GOD:*
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.. It's a natural cycle of life. 


*ST. FRANCIS:*
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

*GOD:*
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

*ST. FRANCIS:*
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.



*GOD:*
And where do they get this mulch?

*ST. FRANCIS:*
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.



*GOD:*
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? 


*ST. CATHERINE:*

'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about.... 


*GOD:*
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis


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## Bob in Kalamazoo (Apr 2, 2009)

Thanks for sharing that Jerry. I feel a little guilty today. I just paid someone to feed and weed my lawn on Monday, and then I cut it on Wednesday. At least I didn't pay to have the grass hauled away. I have an empty lot next door that's totally overgrown. 
Bob


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## bnsfconductor (Jan 3, 2008)

Remove the grass and have more room for trains! 

Craig


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## Jerry McColgan (Feb 8, 2008)

I try to cut our lawn twice - yearly.









First it grows too fast during the early summer (like now) so it becomes too thick to cut it (even with a bush hog) so I have to wait until after several hot dry weeks when it becomes thin enough for the bush hog to cut it. 

Then, around fall, I usually cut it once again. Last year my wife talked me into going to an estate sale. I came home with an old tractor and bush hog. So far I have used it once. Someone forgot to tell me that even tractors get stuck in soft wet ground that has no grass to hold it together (aka mud).

This year I have a new strategy.

If I can keep the deer coming every evening and better yet if they start laying down in the field during the day and perhaps having little ones, I will be able to claim that I am only not cutting the grass to provide natural habitat for the wildlife.









Apparently around the turn of the century (the last century) this land was used to grow cotton and as a result the soil has been ruined. Even the weeds have a tough time surviving here.

I'm not lazy, I'm a conservationist.









Jerry


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## toddalin (Jan 4, 2008)

Posted By bnsfconductor on 06 May 2011 04:19 PM 
Remove the grass and have more room for trains! 

Craig 

That's what I did. I removed the exsting lawn and put in the garden railroad. I have absolutely no lawn to deal with anywhere.


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## Paulus (May 31, 2008)

Very nice Jerry! Thanks for posting!! ;-)


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## Steve Stockham (Jan 2, 2008)

Thank you for that!! I don't think I have ever heard that put so succinctly and so devastatingly accurate!!! (And it is written "...the wisdom of man is foolishness in the sight of God...")


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